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10.5.20 – Gratitude and Appreciation

On By theempressdiariessIn Appreciation, gratitude, positivity2 Comments

Dear diary,

During the last 6/7 weeks, I’m sure I am not the only one who has been up and down mentally. One minute I am loving my own company and not wanting the lockdown to end, the next, I am missing my loved ones and missing the old normal. Last week, whilst doing some reflecting, I decided to create a list of things I am grateful for. I think a lot of us take so much granted and I wanted to remind myself that if I look at the bigger picture, I am actually very blessed.

10 – My bed! Now for some of you, this might seem like a silly one. I work in a primary school and I help children from all walks of life. Unfortunately, some of the children I help have nothing in their house except the bare minimum. The bare minimum does not mean furniture! They have a cooker, fridge/freezer and a washing machine but no couch or bed. They sleep on duvets and blankets on the a cold floor. So you can understand why my bed is on my list.

9 – My garden! With the current lockdown, I have been blessed that I have a garden I can sit in whenever I feel suffocated. I sit listening to music or the birds chirping away. I allow my mind to clear and I become present and embrace the moment. I allow the sun to hit my skin and charge my soul to allow me vibrate higher. I never really sat in my back garden. As I have previously mentioned, I work 6 days a week so I was never really home to enjoy it. A lot of my friends and family live in flats and don’t have a garden, so I really feel for them on days when they want to sit and relax outside.

8 – My car! My anxiety has been sky high recently and I really don’t like going for walks. I was trying to encourage myself to go for early morning walks (which I did 3/4 times) but I just feel safer at home. To get myself out of the house more, I’ll jump in my car and take a small drive.It might only be to the supermarket or my Nans but it got me out of the house. If I didn’t have my car, I don’t think I would leave my house.

7 – A roof over my head! This one goes without saying. It is no secret that homelessness is an issue in the north-west and no doubt across the UK. I never really understand how in 2020, there are still people being left without a roof over their heads. If I had a genie with 3 wishes, getting everyone off the streets is definitely what I would wish for. We all deserve to be in a warm, safe space that we can call our own.

6 – Warmth! Linking with number 7, I think being warm is another thing that can be taken for granted. To be cosy and toasty should be a privilege for everyone! I can’t imagine people would choose to be cold, wet and freezing. However, I could be wrong. I personally love being warm. The heating is always on, I love beach holidays, I have 2 duvets on my bed; you get my point 😂

5 – Food and water! Again, linking to the last 2 reasons to be grateful, it seems like it should be a given but I don’t think most people give thanks before putting good food and clean water in their bellies.

4 – Technology! What would we have done during this time without technology? We are blessed to be in a time where we have smart phones to video call, laptops to keep us working and to have zoom calls! TV’s to help keep us entertained. Apps to help us track how fit and healthy we are, to help us bake the perfect banana bread as well as helping the children with their school work. Thank you technology!

3 – My jobs! During the pandemic, according to the news, 1 out of 20 people have lost their jobs. The most affected being accommodation and food services. I am blessed that I still have work.

2 – Good health! I can’t even imagine how many are feeling as Covid 19 sweeps over the world and causes damage to many people’s lives. Not only has this virus taken people far too soon, but there are still millions suffering with many other viruses and illnesses and can’t get the treatment or operations they need due to the coronavirus. I have always been grateful about being in good health before Covid 19 and I will always be grateful.

My top reason to be grateful – I woke up this morning! Waking up is one of the most underrated reasons to be grateful. So many people, didn’t wake up this morning. A lot will not tomorrow. As soon as my eyes open, I am so blessed that I get to enjoy another day of life. Sometimes, its not always happy times but I look back at my list and remember, although I may not be the richest when it comes to material things, I am rich in love, I am rich in blessings, I am rich in opportunities.

I hope everyone starts to make gratitude lists! Let us focus on the positive points in our life, not always the negative. A new normal is coming but that doesn’t mean that our lives are over.

Sending positive energy and vibes to all 😘

8.4.20 – Day 752? Marpril 34th?

On By theempressdiariessIn Uncategorized

Dear diary,

I do not know about you but I am all over the place with my days and months at the moment! Is today Wednesday or Saturday? March or April? Sounds a bit dramatic but my god its true feelings.

In the beginning, when I heard that schools were sending the children home for the foreseeable I had my concerns which I voiced in a recent post but I was also slightly grateful. I needed a break! Most importantly, I was more than happy that, I too, could keep myself safe from Covid-19. I turned my alarms off, slept in longer than usual, caught up on the TV programmes I recorded and kicked back and relaxed. I work 6 days a week and having some me time is something I wasn’t used to but days into self isolation, I was close to tears. I felt restricted. I wanted to see my friends or to pop to my Nans. I had watched all of the tv programmes I had recorded Netflix was fresh out of new films. I was waking up everyday to get out of bed, to stroll to the bathroom to get ready for a day in the living room and frantically look through the TV guide. Let me tell you, at this point I am so over my daily routine of waking up for a living room chill. I started to think of other ways I could utilise my time – Cleaning! In a normal week, I’ll do the usual daily bits in the house and Saturday was always my day to deep clean. I loved getting the marigolds on, reach for the bleach and giving everything a real good scrub down. All the rooms in the house had been given a revamp by the end of week one and I felt great! I wasn’t in front of the television becoming brain dead, I was using my time constructively. End of the week, I was bored again. I had nothing to do. I mean, how many times in a week does your house need deep cleaning? Here I went again, twiddling my thumbs, so I pulled out my phone and began to stare ridiculously at the screen. Social media became my new TV fix. I was on it for so long that my phone would alert me that my screen time had increased by a rather high percentage. I have always been that girl who always has her phone in her hand but as of recent, it might as well be superglued to my palm. As soon as my eyes open and before I attempt to rise out of my bed, I’m looking at what I’ve missed from the last 8 hours of social media life, constantly refreshing the page to scroll up and down. 

By the second week of isolation, not much had changed and I could feel myself becoming more agitated. The days began merging into one and my mind wasn’t being stimulated anymore, I felt like a robot. Wake up, tv, eat, tv, eat, drink, sleep, repeat. The novelty of staying at home had abruptly worn off. I thought about exercise. Everyone knows exercise gives us endorphins and endorphins makes us happy! I would gear myself up to go for a long walk or a ‘jog’ (I use that term extremely lightly as we both know I will not be jogging for more than 45 seconds due to my chest feeling like its about to cave in!😒😂) but the more I thought about it, leaving the house just seemed like….a lot of effort, so I didn’t go. Oh, I’d still moan that I was bored but I wouldn’t leave. Every day around 4.15 I’ll get a text asking if I’m home and to come to the window. It was my high school best friend. I’ll be there waving away thinking “You go Nic! Get those steps in!” a part of me wishes I was walking with her. I actually think I have become so comfortable (or lazy) at home that leaving anytime soon will feel so alien to me. Weird isn’t it?!. The one thing I craved when working all the time was now the thing that was causing me much anxiety. 

Now it’s week 3 and I am becoming more creative. I have began to write more content and really make use of this time that we have. Don’t get me wrong, I am still watching Masterchef and catching up with Liar but I’m reducing that beloved TV time. I need to keep my mental healthy, so not being stuck to the tv or my phone will definitely help with that. I have deleted social media apps for a while and funnily enough, I do not miss the scrolling up and down! My thumb thanks me every day I am not on my phone 😂. My friends and I do a weekly quiz via video call to keep us entertained so that’s something to look forward to and I am also extremely grateful that I still get to tutor online 3 days a week. During this time, I have began to realise, I am not short of things to do. I have a creative mind and now is the time to get on with the things I haven’t given myself time to do. I don’t think I was ever bored, just unmotivated. This is a super tough time for all and keeping sane, as well as safe is imperative. I’ll be sure to fill you all in on the days and weeks to come and let you know if I do anything interesting or crazy – like going for that ‘jog’. 

Stay Safe ❤️