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27.6.21 – Attack Of The Nostrils!

On By theempressdiariessIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dear diary,

Yooooooo! I have been suffering for the past few weeks.

Hay fever has been kicking my arse!

Blocked nose that then turns into a runny nose, itchy throat – so I’m making that weird noise with my tongue to scratch the itch away, sore eyes, sneezes galore and that horrible cut grass smell that sets this all off!

When I first realised I had hay fever, it was during a P.E lesson in high school. I think it was year 7 or 8.

My eyes puffed up like huge red balls and would not stop streaming. My nose blocked up fast and saying things like ‘Mum’ or ‘mumble’ was a challenge (not that I was saying mumble often, I just needed you to understand words with an M were tough to say 😂)

I remember everyone staring at me, gasping like I grew a second nose 🤷🏽‍♀️

Anyway, when I got home, Mum told me what she thought it was and we got some anti histamines.

Fast forwards some years to when I moved to London and the pollen ruined me!!!

OH MY!

I couldn’t breathe through my nose at all. They were swollen and blocked to capacity. It wasn’t even that I had a blocked nose full of mucus – my nose holes had swollen up from allergies 😫

I always took tablets but they were never enough and I didn’t want to take the nasal spray. After a family friend told me about sprays and how much they helped her, I ran to the pharmacy and bought one. Within minutes I could breathe through my nose again and my poor mouth and throat could recover from the dryness caused by all the oxygen I had inhaled.

Now in my thirties, I have to take both hay fever tablets and the nasal spray.

How is this fair?

Why can’t the pollen let me live my best life?

Also, does anyone else experience disgusting hay fever symptoms on hot, rainy days?

They are literally the worst days for me! A humid, rainy day after a blazing hot day with a high pollen count!

Hurry up Autumn I say!

JK – Not had my Hot Girl Summer yet 😜

Peace xoxo

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4.6.21 – Is it right to have a type?

On By theempressdiariessIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dear diary,

Whilst having a catch ups with the ladies a few weekends ago, we began talking about the opposite sex.

Our experiences, what we want from them, things they do or don’t do – so on and so on.

It lead me to ask the question “Do you attract your ‘type’?”.

Now, lets not act like we don’t have one! Whether it’s personality driven or more about physical appearance, we all have a type.

What’s mine you ask? – Well, if I could go into a shop and order a 6’6, melanated man with a beard, muscles, I’m buying 9 of them.

Looks was always my first go-to with the opposite sex. He had to be a straight 10 or else I’m not going there.

But if I showed you the catalogue of people I have dated or been in a relationship with in the past, you be like 🧐

I’ve dated tall men, short men, men the same height, working men, men out of work, men with ambition, men with zero ambition. I could go on but you get my drift!

Back to the conversation with the gal dem – I said back in the day, I had a type but as I’ve got older, the type has changed from physical appearance to personality, mentality, goals – basically, who you are as a person.

But when I stopped to think about it, how does a good looking male equate to being a ’10’?.

I began talking about my personal growth and how this affected the relationships I had.

Back in my teens, I was attracted to anyone that was popular. In my early 20’s, I wanted the bad boy that was wanted by all. By the end of my 20’s I became more about how I was treated and how they viewed a relationship. Do they want marriage, children, how do they feel about male/female roles in a relationship. Things like that.

For me (and I can only speak for myself) all of the good qualities in a person makes them beautiful.

You could have the face of a model, muscles for days and be the perfect height but have a horrible heart, treat people with disrespect and just be internally ugly.

So when I was looking for a partner, I was focusing more on the conversations we had, the tone in which they spoke to me, their views on life. And it’s that and much more that add to the physical attraction.

Some people are happy to base their relationship on just the appearance of a person and that’s cool. What works for Peter won’t work for Paul. I just want something that’s deeper.

DISCLAIMER!!! I am not saying people I have been with or am currently with are unattractive or are not a ’10’! Of course, I think majority of connections start from the initial look of a person, let’s keep it real. Everyone I have attracted have been a 10 in my eyes! But the point I’m making is I’m not just looking for just a physical attraction. I want more. If we take away sex and all those things, what else can my partner and I provide for each other? If there’s not much on the table, then where will the relationship go?

So is it right that we have a type? Absolutely! I’d simply encourage others to think about the entire package instead of just the packaging.

Peace ❤️ xoxo

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25.4.21 – 30 plus and no baby? 😬🧐😳

On By theempressdiariessIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dear diary,

Since I was in my mid 20’s, all I’ve heard is “When are you going to have kids?” “If you don’t hurry up, you’ll miss your chance” “So and so has some already”….the list goes on.

I’m 32 and I still have no children.

Now all I hear is “You’re running out of time”, “If you don’t hurry up, he will leave you”, “I want grandkids”

I know women who are 37 and have just had a baby. I know someone who’s Mum didn’t have her until she was 40. I know people who, point blank, do not want children. End of.

Why does society put pressure on us to have children by a certain age?

What is the big rush?

Why does being in your 20’s mean you will be a better parent?

When I was younger, a lot younger, I wanted to be married by 20 and be a parent by 25. I wanted to have the same age gap between me and my mum, with my children.

By the time I was 19, I knew the first ship (getting married) would sail right past me rapidly but I still had high hopes for being a parent by 25.

I put pressure on myself and felt so heartbroken that I hadn’t lived up to the expectations that I and everyone else had set out for me.

According to my trusty internet searches, getting pregnant after 35 is considered extremely risky and that made me feel the pressure more.

But after speaking to several people, whether they are medical professionals, family members or friends of a friend, it’s totally normal for women above the age of 30 to have beautiful, safe pregnancies.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Looking back on my life so far, I have been able to do so much! I’ve travelled a lot, I’ve been able to move away twice, I can get up and go whenever I please and not have to worry about a mini me to sort out before I go.

Not saying you can’t do any of that with children, I am just saying, for me, I’ve been able to do what I want, when I want and I’ve loved it!

Now I’m in love and cannot wait to continue my life with my Bear so all those selfish feelings I had, are being put on the back burner.

I cannot wait for the day when I can surprise Bear and let him know we are going to be parents.

I can’t wait to let my parents know they will be grandparents!

But until then, I’ll keep on being patient and enjoying my life until my mini me comes and changes my life for the better.

Don’t let people dictate your life! Everything will happen when the time is right 😘❤️ Just keep positive!

xoxo

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11.4.21 – Overindulgin’

On By theempressdiariessIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dear diary,

You hear from time to time that someone, somewhere has indulged more than what they should have.

It could have been too much exercise, too much alcohol, too many drugs…

My sin? Gluttony!

It’s no secret that since COVID-19 began, I have put on a fair bit of timber (as my partner would say).

Who knew your neck could have rolls?!

Sugar is my kryptonite! If it’s covered in chocolate, gimme 7 of them.

Everyone I knew began baking and who was their guinea pig? You guessed it 😇 and I loved every minute of it!

But can I really blame COVID for my over eating?

You could argue that I should’ve had the will power to say no to the boxes of delicious brownies.

I could’ve turned my back on the extra cheesy pizzas and yes, I could have left the alcohol in the cupboard…

but

I didn’t!

I’ve enjoyed myself!

We’re allowed to!

That’s what life is for 😘

But maybe I could eat the sweet things in moderation…

I’ll let you know how I get on 👀

xoxo

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28.2.21 – How Much Of The World Have YOU Seen?

On By theempressdiariessIn travel, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dear diary,

I’ve spoken about this before. I LOVE travelling!

When I began dating my babes, he suggested we download an app called BEEN – an app where you can virtually tick off where you have been in the world and see how much of it you have seen.

I have had quite a few holidays in this beautiful lifetime and thought ‘I must have seen about 30% of the world’

WRONG!

I have only seen 5%! 👀😳

5….Percent….

So from that shocking revelation, we have created a wish list.

20 destinations we hope to visit in our lifetime together.

Once things are back to a place where we can travel freely, a big holiday is going to be booked!

But which country will we choose first?

Stay tuned!

Which countries are on your travel wish list?

❤️

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20.2.21 – Well, How Do You Do, 32!

On By theempressdiariessIn Appreciation, celebrations, gratitude, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dear diary,

Today is my 32nd birthday!

As I blow out the candles of my beautiful tasting birthday cake, I wanted to let you in to my birthday wish!!

I am so blessed to have made it this far in life and I pray I see another 32 plus years more.

This year’s goals I wish to complete are – Lose 2 stone! – Your girl needs to shift some serious covid weight!!!

Volunteer/Help those who need it using my own resources!

– Start a business!

I am so thankful for all the opportunities that have come my way and that are soon to arrive. I am thankful for everything that pushes me out of my comfort zone and enables me to grow – no matter how uncomfortable it is. Thank you for my family, for my love, for my friends, for my jobs, for health, for laughter, for happiness, for everything me and my family have! Appreciation in abundance!

It’s officially my year anniversary on WordPress ❤️ Thank you to all who read and continue to read. More content is coming and most importantly, more consistent content!!! Speak soon!!!

Xoxo

  • My 31st birthday cake 😍
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5.2.21 – HOLIDAY BLUES!

On By theempressdiariessIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dear diary,

I’m sure I am not alone here when I say, I wanna go on holiday!

In the girls group chat (although im not sure why it’s never referred to as a woman’s group chat 🤔) we were reminiscing about the last time we went away –

Holiday shopping, waxing, discussing how much money we would all bring and that all important airport outfit!!!

Ahh…the good old days!

Well it’s looking like we can start to think about booking a holiday again soon and I CANNOT WAAAAAIT!

I’ve been blessed to travel to quite a few countries on this beautiful earth but I found myself doing some research and discovering new places to add to my list.

I definitely want to go to every Caribbean island. I want to see Asia! Don’t forget South America 😍

Where will you go next?

Let me know 😊

Peace xoxo

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3.10.20 – Taking the leap! Finally!

On By theempressdiariessIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Dear diary,

Who else has been using this time to find new hobbies or taking the leap to pursue a passion that was already there?

Since the world has been on lockdown I have found myself doing new things and starting new hobbies….but not finishing.

I began with sign language. I got to week 4 and just stopped. I started a counselling course, I stopped after week 2. I began going for morning walks and I got up early 3 times before I decided a lie in was better for me.

That’s typical for me. Always start but never finish.

Now though, I am finally following through with plans I have created and I feel so scared. The feeling of failure is luring in the back of my mind and people whispering and laughing at my failure is lingering over my head. Why? Because I put far too much pressure on myself and because I care about what people think and I shouldn’t!!!

I would rather try then never try. I want to live a life with no regrets and if I do fail, so what? It is a learning experience however, who said I will fail?. Look at Will Smith. After he found fame on the Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air , he became bankrupt and lost everything. He is now one of the highest paid actors in the world. J.K Rowling’s manuscripts were rejected by 12 publishers. Need I say more.

If anyone is scared of pursuing something they really want to do, don’t be! An old friend once told me, “everything you want in life is on the other side of fear”.

I’ll leave that with you 🙂

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6.6.20 – NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!

On By theempressdiariessIn Uncategorized

Dear diary,

By now, every one should have seen the devastating video of George Floyd being murdered by members of the police force.

I wasn’t going to write anything about it, not because I am pretending to be blind about the situation but because I am tired! I am sick and tired of having this conversation. But I owe it to George Floyd, to Philando Castile, I owe it to Breonna Taylor, to Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown. I owe it to Stephen Lawrence and Mark Duggan. I owe it to these people, plus many more, to keep having this conversation until it sinks into every pore possible.

Black people are NOT thugs. Black people are NOT ghetto. Black people are NOT uneducated. We are not poor, dirty, second class or anything else some people like to think we are. Our dark skin, beautiful and full of melanin is not a sign of disgrace, nor will it ever be. Our soft hair, coils towards the sun, charging us up with it’s energy. We are KINGS AND QUEENS!

Please let me remind you, my ancestors were minding their own business, living their peaceful lives before they were stolen and taken from the motherland. My ancestors are more than cotton picking slaves. My ancestors ruled!

The Black Lives Matter movement does NOT mean other lives do not matter. What we are saying is; Black lives matter because it is very clear to us that we don’t matter. There is a justice system that clearly wasn’t built to protect my people. It feels like not one, is willing to stand up for us when an injustice has been committed. We are branded DANGEROUS, A GANG MEMBER, AGGRESSIVE, A DRUG DEALER yet in reality, you couldn’t be further than the truth.

For centuries, people have stolen our land, raped us for our resources, stolen our music and sense of style and let us not forget our natural features. The list goes on…

We have had ENOUGH!

I speak as a woman of Jamaican and Pakistani heritage. To my Muslim brothers and sisters out there, who too get racially abused and attacked on a daily basis, this fight is for you too!!! This fight is for any person of colour because we deserve to have a carefree life. We shouldn’t have to worry about sending our children out incase the police stop and shoot them. We shouldn’t have to be anxious at the sight of a police car or being wrongfully labelled as aggressive so therefore peoples disgusting actions can be justified. I am going to have beautiful black children and I am scared to bring them up in such an ugly world. The human race needs to come together in solidarity. And if all lives mattered, why are people homeless? Why do you judge immigrants who come to seek a better life? Why is a person’s sexual preference judged? All lives do not matter. Enough is enough.

You cannot enjoy the rhythm and ignore the blues….

Stay Blessed xxx

8.4.20 – Day 752? Marpril 34th?

On By theempressdiariessIn Uncategorized

Dear diary,

I do not know about you but I am all over the place with my days and months at the moment! Is today Wednesday or Saturday? March or April? Sounds a bit dramatic but my god its true feelings.

In the beginning, when I heard that schools were sending the children home for the foreseeable I had my concerns which I voiced in a recent post but I was also slightly grateful. I needed a break! Most importantly, I was more than happy that, I too, could keep myself safe from Covid-19. I turned my alarms off, slept in longer than usual, caught up on the TV programmes I recorded and kicked back and relaxed. I work 6 days a week and having some me time is something I wasn’t used to but days into self isolation, I was close to tears. I felt restricted. I wanted to see my friends or to pop to my Nans. I had watched all of the tv programmes I had recorded Netflix was fresh out of new films. I was waking up everyday to get out of bed, to stroll to the bathroom to get ready for a day in the living room and frantically look through the TV guide. Let me tell you, at this point I am so over my daily routine of waking up for a living room chill. I started to think of other ways I could utilise my time – Cleaning! In a normal week, I’ll do the usual daily bits in the house and Saturday was always my day to deep clean. I loved getting the marigolds on, reach for the bleach and giving everything a real good scrub down. All the rooms in the house had been given a revamp by the end of week one and I felt great! I wasn’t in front of the television becoming brain dead, I was using my time constructively. End of the week, I was bored again. I had nothing to do. I mean, how many times in a week does your house need deep cleaning? Here I went again, twiddling my thumbs, so I pulled out my phone and began to stare ridiculously at the screen. Social media became my new TV fix. I was on it for so long that my phone would alert me that my screen time had increased by a rather high percentage. I have always been that girl who always has her phone in her hand but as of recent, it might as well be superglued to my palm. As soon as my eyes open and before I attempt to rise out of my bed, I’m looking at what I’ve missed from the last 8 hours of social media life, constantly refreshing the page to scroll up and down. 

By the second week of isolation, not much had changed and I could feel myself becoming more agitated. The days began merging into one and my mind wasn’t being stimulated anymore, I felt like a robot. Wake up, tv, eat, tv, eat, drink, sleep, repeat. The novelty of staying at home had abruptly worn off. I thought about exercise. Everyone knows exercise gives us endorphins and endorphins makes us happy! I would gear myself up to go for a long walk or a ‘jog’ (I use that term extremely lightly as we both know I will not be jogging for more than 45 seconds due to my chest feeling like its about to cave in!😒😂) but the more I thought about it, leaving the house just seemed like….a lot of effort, so I didn’t go. Oh, I’d still moan that I was bored but I wouldn’t leave. Every day around 4.15 I’ll get a text asking if I’m home and to come to the window. It was my high school best friend. I’ll be there waving away thinking “You go Nic! Get those steps in!” a part of me wishes I was walking with her. I actually think I have become so comfortable (or lazy) at home that leaving anytime soon will feel so alien to me. Weird isn’t it?!. The one thing I craved when working all the time was now the thing that was causing me much anxiety. 

Now it’s week 3 and I am becoming more creative. I have began to write more content and really make use of this time that we have. Don’t get me wrong, I am still watching Masterchef and catching up with Liar but I’m reducing that beloved TV time. I need to keep my mental healthy, so not being stuck to the tv or my phone will definitely help with that. I have deleted social media apps for a while and funnily enough, I do not miss the scrolling up and down! My thumb thanks me every day I am not on my phone 😂. My friends and I do a weekly quiz via video call to keep us entertained so that’s something to look forward to and I am also extremely grateful that I still get to tutor online 3 days a week. During this time, I have began to realise, I am not short of things to do. I have a creative mind and now is the time to get on with the things I haven’t given myself time to do. I don’t think I was ever bored, just unmotivated. This is a super tough time for all and keeping sane, as well as safe is imperative. I’ll be sure to fill you all in on the days and weeks to come and let you know if I do anything interesting or crazy – like going for that ‘jog’. 

Stay Safe ❤️